After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
