Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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