people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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