Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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