What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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