Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
