We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
