After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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