well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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