all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
