My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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