I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
