This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
