I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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