I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
