this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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