The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
