Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
