You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
