this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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