my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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