using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
