I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
