You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
