i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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