I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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