She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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