I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
