I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
