If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why do cheetos always look like penises
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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