Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Couch. On fire.
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