Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
