i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
