He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
