My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
