from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize