I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
