I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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