the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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