there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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