Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
