Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
