Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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