she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
