Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
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