hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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