I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize