Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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