WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
