Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize