dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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