my vag is so smooth its legendary
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
