I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize