I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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