i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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