as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
