my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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