i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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