he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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