i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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