i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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