so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're like the curious george of whores
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize