I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
