It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
