Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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