How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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