i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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