sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
