Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
