Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
