You're so nebulous sometimes
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
